it’s 3.30 in the morning and fate decreed that i wake up to a dozen mozzie bites on my leg and proceed to cry like a baby afterwards.
no not because of the damn mosquitoes.
you know how things happen for a reason (better or worse) and some things acts a sign/reminder for you.
it’s like the universe nudging you and saying “hey get back on track, don’t forget why you are here”
and this email that i just received did just that.
all the memories were flooding in and i recalled how happy and sad i was back then.
the reason why this means so much to me is because just a few days ago, ive been really thinking about how happy i am right now and the answer i got was that i am not.
this really came as a shock to me because i have always been happy and grateful even when shit happens and even when the ex turns psycho cos i kinda know everything will be okay in the end.
now i get to see the most amazing cities and meet amazing crazy people, but i am not satisfied with life because of the lack i feel in my love life.
as i look to my right, i cant deny that my partner has been the best i ever had but i somehow do not feel like im in love anymore.
i realised that over the past few months, i have morphed into someone i would hate because i want my partner to feel that way, hoping that this would trigger dissatisfaction that will eventually lead to the end of the relationship and my supposed misery.
which is stupid and silly isnt it?
not only has my partner not gave up on me, she has flown halfway across the world to join me on my journey/adventure despite all the uncertainties.
all that has changed is that my outlook in life has been more negative than ever and it’s not doing me any good.
so this entry is to serve as a reminder to myself to be the carefree and happy me that my friends and I used to know.
“Walk in the rain,
stop along the way,
go on field trips,
find out how things work,
say the magic words,
trust the universe.”
― Bruce Williamson