so let the sunshine in


the one with the most beautiful heart June 23, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — MM @ 5:19 pm

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate;
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date;
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm’d;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm’d;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander’st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow’st:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

too apt describing someone who just waltz into my life recently.

“What is love?”, many asked.

i remember having a rather intense conversation with a colleague whom
i have regarded to be a dear friend of mine on my idea of love.
after reading the article on the intersex guy, i was even more convinced that i would want to love my other half for he/she is and not the genitalia.
i would want to love him/her for his/her own quirks, embrace any flaws and
just being able to feel contented in his/her presence.
if one day, my other half suddenly tells me , “hey i just discovered i got HIV/cancer” or “hey i just discovered i’m intersex”, i want to be able to accept all that cos i love him/her and that’s all that’s gonna matter. (plus all the awesomesauce sex of course, haha)

but just yesterday, it hit me that there was another dimension to this “love” that i’ve never explained or really thought about.

a mix of emotions was stirring in me the whole night as i looked at the person who i think possess the most beautiful heart i’ve ever seen or known.
well, to me at least.

and as pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place later on that night, i started questioning myself why was i so elated it was that way.
was it the connection, the many coincidences or just the olfactory tricking me? i did not want to be hopeful or irrational.

i would still have thought that person was lovely and still would have regarded that person in high respect if the pieces of puzzle didnt surface last night.
it’s just like how i truly love all my friends who are so fucking awesome and makes me want to cry everytime i think about how awesome they are.
i would still love that person like how i love my friends and family cos that person is awesomesauce as well.

but, it’s not that easy as it sounds cos there’s lust involved. and i dont lust after my family and friends. in fact, i have never experienced love and lust at the same time.
it was just only either love or lust at one time, not both at the same time.
if it’s love(like with family n friends), there was never lust present.
when it’s lust, there was never love or a spark or true connection so to speak.

so this was sth new. and im kinda confused i guess.
but because thou are more lovely and temperate than the summer’s day, i choose to love you as a friend instead so i dont risk losing such an awesome person in my life.



:)) June 12, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — MM @ 5:16 am

i am so fucking blessed. i cant thank my lucky stars enough.