so let the sunshine in


November 20, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — MM @ 1:53 pm

and so in less than 12 hrs, imma be 21. this year feels a little bit more special i must say.
being 21 marks my freedom and independence. i already got my passport and i can now travel.
ive been waiting for this day since forever, words cannot describe my feelings.
as cliche as it may sound, i feel like a caged bird set free.

i feel blessed. i may not have a fancy car or my own house(yet!), but having people who genuinely care and genuinely feel happy for me makes life feels complete as it is.
2011 has been a good year.

ive never been the kind to hold parties to celebrate my birthday.
i think my last birthday party was when I was 16.
everyone got drunk and wasted and i Almost got raped.
i think that was when I realised there wasnt a need for parties anymore.

I realised people who care would be there not only on your birthday but on days you need them most. people who are close to your heart dont give a damn about what you wear or what kind of fancy parties youre having.
people who care hold your hair up for you when youre puking your guts out.
people who care clean up after you when you pee in their bed in a drunken state.
people who care pick up your call at 3 in the morning when youre penniless roaming the streets trying to get home or just listen when you need someone to talk to.
people who care fly 1485miles just to give you a hug when youre having the worst day of your life.

Every year when I attend birthday parties, I wonder ‘are we here to celebrate another year of someone we really care about or is this party just another social obligation’
10 years down the road, am i going to remember you for the good friend tt you have been, or for the amazing party tt you held.

heck, i dont even remember my closest friends’ birthdays.
my 2 good friends(of 5 years) surprised me w cake and gifts last friday cos they knew i was leaving on monday.
they asked “did u expected us to rmb?”
me: nope.
them: dyou rmb our birthdays?

well, lets just say i only got the month right for only 1 of them. this despite the fact i celebrate their birthdays with them almost every year.

maybe im not putting in enough effort to remember. or maybe the lack of significance
itself in birthdays explains my nonchalance. maybe all these are excuses.
but anw, im so glad they know it’s not because i do not care abt them.
they know, our friendship transcends all that.

T said, “wanted to get you a Guess bag. but what issit that you really want?” (and this was because some 4 yrs ago, i couldnt stop raving whenever we walked by a Guess shop)
me: (smiles) i dont know actually.

As years pass by, a birthday is just another day. i dont need to have a party to celebrate my life. im celebrating life every other day.


November 6, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — MM @ 7:59 am

it’s quarter to eight in the morning and i really should be doing some work right nw.
but i guess the reason why i am procrastinating (aside from the lazy bug tt dwells in me permanently),
is cos i am thinking about you.

i kept thinking about what you said about putting an end to relationships once you think that it is going nowhere.
i asked what you meant by that and you said there is no point in carrying on anymore if it doesnt allow you to grow in any way.
and this got me thinking, what kind of growth are you looking for actually?
i find it selfish that you got into this for your own personal ‘growth’.
did you not love her like she loved you?
how many times do you have to fall in and out of love before you find ‘the one’?
how many hearts do u have to break before you finally attain the growth youre looking for?
all these at their expense. it’s selfish, dont you think?

i personally think all these heartbreaks can be prevented if you hadnt use the word ‘love’ so freely.
it disgusts me that you are falling in ‘love’ with someone else while your girlfriend across the world is staying faithful to you.
it is even more appalling when you try to justify your inexcusable actions with statements like, ‘i know it is not fair to her,
which is why i havent break it off yet’
now now, who i am to preach about the matters of the heart.
im not exactly the best person to go to for relationship’s advice or neither am i any sort of role model in an exemplary relationship.
but, i think it’s fair enough tht i come with a disclaimer to anyone who wish to have a piece of me, a piece of my heart.
what happens after, no matter how heart wrenching, was already all expected.

but no, you my friend, gave all these girls hope. hope that you would be there forever.
that they were the only one in your life.
and even after it ends, you still linger in their life. some of these girls unfortunately, still cling on to that glimmer of hope and belief that you will return to them.
dont get me wrong P, you are lovely. but how i wish youre less of the casanova that you are.